is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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