I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
