Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
