2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
