if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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