You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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