I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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