Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
