There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
