What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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