I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
