Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
