My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
