I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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