so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
