New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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