I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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