we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
