I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
