We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
