So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
