I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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