wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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