ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
