he shaved USA in his pubs
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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