OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
