it was like his penis was on wheels.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
