The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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