Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
