I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
