I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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