Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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