Just fell off a train. Bad.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
