I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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