I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
