ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
