Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
