I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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