I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
my sisters under your porch take her home
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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