I feel like I'm in dance class right now
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
