My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
