At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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