The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
