You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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