yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
