You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
