I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I am mentally ready for anal.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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