Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
