Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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