Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
