I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
