hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
