well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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